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One girl's journey with her first novel.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Simple Expectancy

This past Wednesday I attended a college youth group that has just started up in the town I go to school in. Yes, if you didn’t know, I believe in Jesus! Anyway, I went to this youth group and, though it was my first time to attend, I basically new everyone there because they are all students at my university. Never the less, I walked in and experienced maybe the most surreal feeling I have ever felt in my life.

I felt like I was in high school again. Like I had just jumped back in time five years and it was just another Wednesday night youth meeting. It wasn’t just a feeling either, it was everything. There were people playing basketball and talking and flirty before we went in the sanctuary, and the sanctuary was a light show, cement floor, and folding chairs just like the old days. It was crazy, like I said, most surreal thing ever! But anyway, to get to my point…

I realized something, sitting there feeling like I was back in time, church used to be so much different for me back then. There was this feeling of excitement and expectancy that I just haven’t felt in awhile. A feeling of standing in a room full of people but it still just being me and God, accompanied with the feeling that He was fully there in that room with me.

I don’t know what it was about being a teenager in a place like that. I think it was what I said earlier, expectancy. You just walked in expecting God to do something because there was nothing else to expect, He was going to do something. And for me, I was there to worship and connect with Him and not there to prove myself or tell anyone who I was but somehow being that way was showing them all who I was.

This may sound backwards, believe me it does to me too as I type it. I mean, high school is when we are supposed to be unsure of who we are and how to be that around other people and have a hard time, say, just worshipping in public, because we are afraid of what others might think.

But really it was easier then. Life hadn’t gotten in the way. And for all the crying I did over how “hard” my life was back then, it wasn’t. It was just me and God and I really didn’t have that much that had messed that up. I hadn’t chosen to run away from who He was in my life or just let everything around me distract me from what He was trying to do in me.

It was just simple. Simple expectancy.

That is something I miss, and need to get back, because God will still move and meet me wherever I am.

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